Comedy Club
by Hajime Tokio
Summary: Well my last story failed so now I'm going with comedy. I'll be using the Kenshin gang and my fav. comedy acts as one to make my own series. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Well you see I've been pondering a few thoughts lately: Why is Saito's life always on the line? (aside from the whole Wolf of Mibu) What would happen if Saito gave Kenshin marital advice? And many other questions that I have answered with these comedy acts. The first is Jeff Dunham.

Saito and Kenshin on marital advice. I DO NOT OWN RK OR JEFF DUNHAM! thank you and please review!

Kenshin: Saito?

Saito:ignores

Kenshin: I know you gave up on our fight but isn't ignoring me a bit cold?

Saito: walks away

Kenshin: -sigh- SAITO!!!!!!

Saito: -notices that Kenshin has now gathered a crowd with his yelling- Did you say something?

Kenshin: Finally...what are you doing here in Tokyo?

Saito: What, can I not come back or are you here to send me away?

Kenshin: -arrogant ass-

Saito: What was that?

Kenshin: Nothing...

Saito: Tokio wanted to come back to Tokyo.

Kenshin: Say that five times fast.

Saito: Say it and you'll be pushing up daisies.

Kenshin: Oh touchy today aren't we?

Saito: Honestly I don't want to be here but Tokio is visiting her sister. So what are you, my stalker?

Kenshin: Aw The Wolf of Mibu can be tamed. And no I would rather stalk an actual wolf.

Saito: Now who's touchy.

Kenshin: Shut it, I came to you for advice actually.

Saito: Oh really? On what, how to actualy make it with a woman?

Kenshin: NO! I actualy have a wife but I need advice since we've only been married for a mounth now. And your the only person I know who's married.

Saito: So Battousai actualy comes to the Wolf for advice and on his own wife none the less.

Kenshin: Saito, try to be serious. I have never backed down from a battle but-

Saito: Yeah I know, no one is MORE dangerous then ones own wife. So what you want to know what it's like?

Kenshin: At least your being descent.

Saito: I never agreed. But come to think of it I am a little hungry.

Kenshin: Y-y-y-ou! YOU HAVE A JOB AND YOUR TRYING TO TAP FOOD OFF ME!

Saito: Oh well I hope you enjoy your daily beatings from the Raccon.

Kenshin: sigh Fine. To the Akabeko.

Saito: Now he understands.

-At the Akabeko-

Kenshin: So fill me in.

Saito: It's no secret mission. I'm just going to let you know what it's like.

Kenshin: So the wife has it her way?

Saito: Most the time. So Tokio brings me back to this god forsaken hell hole. I can die happy now.

Kenshin: You seem so angry at your own wife. Arguement this morning?

Saito: Yeah she rolled out of bed jumped on her menstral cycle and ran my ass over.

Kenshin: But she's having a good time right?

Saito: Yeah.

Kenshin: Good-

Saito: Pisses me off.

Kenshin:Uh... How long you been married?

Saito: 15 years.

Kenshin: Well when was the happiest time during that period?

Saito: 16 years ago.

Kenshin: Well I have a mounth down.

Saito: You'll see.

Kenshin: So what?

Saito: Remember when you said 'Till death do us part?'

Kenshin: Yeah.

Saito: Pretty soon you'll realize you were setting a goal.

Kenshin: Saito what is marriage to you?

Saito: Well it's like drinking a slurpie: the first couple of sips your like, oh this is pretty good. Then another couple of sips and it goes straight to your head then your like, ow ow OW! The hell was I thinking?! Someone kill me please!

Kenshin: Well it eventualy stops hurting.

Saito: Then your dumb enough to take another sip.

Kenshin: Wow.

Saito: Your life will never be the same.

Kenshin: Why?

Saito: You can't look, touch, speak, breath on,or even think about other women.

Kenshin: So?

-Cute woman walks by-

Saito: You see that cute woman?

Kenshin: Yeah.

Saito: Nice Looking?

Kenshin: Yeah.

Saito: See her?

Kenshin: Yeah.

Saito: Oh well...

Kenshin:hmm

Saito: The only thing you can do now is run to the end of your chain and bark.

Kenshin:-sweatdrop- Only you Saito.

The End for now.

A/N: I'm sorry Saito is so perverted but the part was perfect for him. Tell me what you think and I'll post new ones for other characters.


	2. Act 2

Well I have returned. Hope I didn't take to long with the update but I'm quite the busy person so this chapter will contain a different set of Comedians and characters so without further waiting and wasting your time here is part two.

Comedy Club

Part 2

-Kenshin /Jimmy Carr/ Weird names-

Sano - Jeez Kenshin why does our creator come up with the weirdest names? I mean come on "Kaoru" sounds like cow with a ru at the end. What the hell would that be a cow with like a pouch that can jump Tokyo tower?!

Kenshin - Sano...you know I was talking with a woman not to long ago and her name was Pataka. I told her that was an unusual name and that you don't here that everyday and she said, "actually I do."

Sano - Owned.

Kenshin - Oro?

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-Kenshin/Jimmy Carr/ Homophobia/

Kenshin -glares at fangirls with yaoi books of him and countless other male characters together- I'm not homophobic...I'm not scared of you. -looks away- Fine obviously some people are gay and some are not! I'm what you call a "stray," I'm straight but I'm socially gay.

-girls stare at him with a twinkle in their eyes-

Kenshin - That means I'll notice when a lady friend changes their hair or buys a new pair of shoes. But...Idonotexceptyourcockinmyass!

-blushes-

-walks away from market-

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-Sano/ Mitch Hedberg/ Talkin Bird

Sano - yeah I had a parrot once. Y'know one of those talkin birds but it did not say "I am hungry" so it died.

Kenshin - Sano...

Saito - Ahou.

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-Sano/ Mitch Hedberg/ Candy Bar

Sano - I get the Resse's Candy Bar and if you notice, there's an 's at the end. That means it belongs to him! So if a guy names Resse comes buy you better give him the candy bar! I'm sorry Resse I did not think I would ever run into you.

Resse - You know how many times this has happened?!

Sano - Just take the damn bar and go!

Resse -walks away-

-pulls off mask to reveal Yahiko-

Yahiko - Ha! That would make 20 in one day!

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-Hiko /Adam Ferrara / The Ego

Hiko - It's the ego that makes people lie. I'm not afraid to admit it, mine talks to me. It'd be in the middle of training and hear "You the man!"

Hiko- looks around- No...you think?

Ego- Mmmhm.

Hiko - No that's not me...

Ego- Superfly!

Hiko - glares at bushes near by- Damnit Okon! Get out of the bushes!

Ego/ Okon - Damn! How'd he know?

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-Saito / Adam Ferrara / Tough Mom

Saito - Yeah I had a tough dad but mom, she was worse. She made a cop cry once.

Cop - Ma'm do you know why I pulled you over?

Saito's Mom - NO! I'm NOT a mind reader! I was speeding so I could get there faster and now I'm not going to get there at all! Now you get back in your car and think about what you've done!

Saito- Me and my brother were in the back of the car saying " don't shoot her. It'll only make her mad and those bullets better be silver or she isn't gonna go down!"

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-Saito / Dave Chapelle / Feelings

Saito- Feelings are very important...to women! I'm just learning this. You can tell by the way they tell stories. Now if you ask a man to tell you a story it's pure facts : Who, what, were, when, Example: It was me and Himura, we were at the Akabeko, then the ahou said this and then I punched the idiot and then I walked out. But women gotta talk about them. That's how Tokio gets me, I'll be watching T.V. enjoying the rare time I get alone and Tokio comes up and,

Tokio- Saito... we need to talk.

Saito- 'FUCK!' Now I don't say that out loud. That's how I feel inside.

Kenshin- Wow...

Saito- I know.

Kenshin- What's a T.V. ?

Saito- Ahou.

Sano- Aren't we all?

Saito- No, just you two.

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A/N Well that's what I have for now and I put ALL the comedians names just in case you wanna look them up cause they are quite funny and I can ALWAYS find a comedian that reminds me of a RK character. Okay now that's over I DO NOT own RK or I would've put Tokio in it and I don't own any of the comedians above or they would be my voice cast for RK.

More to come...


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